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Минутка английского.Шутки за 200 + игра слов на английском.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school dance?
A: He didn’t have anybody to take.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead prostitute and school?
A: School still sucks!

Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9

Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.

Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: 2110593!
Q: Why?
A: When 2 are 1 and don’t pay at10tion, they’ll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they’ll be 3.

Q: Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
A: They already 8

Teacher: «Simon, can you say your name backwards?»
Simon: «No Mis.»

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Voldemort: Knock Knock
Harry Potter: Who’s There?
Voldemort: You Know.
Harry Potter: You Know Who?
Voldemort: Exactly!

-What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
-You can’t tuna fish.

-What do you call an alligator in a vest?
-An Investigator

-What do you call a bee that lives in America?
-USB

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Топ-5 самых смешных британских книг

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✔️ Wodehouse P.G. «Right ho, Jeeves» (П.Г. Вудхауз «Ваша взяла, Дживс»)

Дживс заслуженно слывет среди друзей, родственников и знакомых Бертрама Вустера непревзойденным мастером по части мудрых советов – и это правда. А Вустер считает себя непревзойденным мастером изящной светской болтовни и обольстителем особ прекрасного пола – и это его глубочайшее и самонадеянное заблуждение. И вот, когда Берти Вустер не может сам выпутаться из очередной любовной передряги, ему остается только позвать на помощь своего камердинера и нехотя признать: «Ваша взяла, Дживс».

✔️Jerome K. Jerome «Three Men in a Boat: To Say Nothing of the Dog» (Джером К.Джером «Трое в лодке, не считая собаки»)

Юмористическая повесть-отчет о лодочной поездке по реке Темзе между Кингстоном и Оксфордом.

Одна из наиболее замечательных черт книги — «вечная молодость»; шутки кажутся смешными и остроумными и сегодня. В предисловии к изданию 1909 года Джером признавался в собственном недоумении по поводу неуменьшающейся популярности книги: «Мне думается, я писал вещи и посмешнее». Тем не менее, именно эту книгу в конце концов стали называть «едва ли не самой смешной книгой в мире».

✔️Helen Fielding «Bridget Jones’s Diary» (Хелен Филдинг «Дневник Бриджит Джонс»)

Роман о жизни 30-летней Бриджит Джонс популярен во всём мире. В книжной версии он еще лучше!

В основе сюжета романа лежит один из самых известных романов XIX века «Гордость и предубеждение» Джейн Остин. Сюжетные линии романа напрямую переплетаются с этим классическим произведением. Однако «Дневник» нельзя считать ремейком Остин. Помимо значительного количества сюжетных и композиционных совпадений можно заметить и абсолютно современные, ни на что не похожие элементы, забавные моменты, которые раскрывают проблемы английских женщин «за 30» в конце XX века.

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✔️ Sophie Kinsella «The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic» (Софи Кинселла «Тайный мир шопоголика»)

Все женщины делают это — ходят по магазинам и покупают, покупают, покупают… Некоторые, особо сильные духом дамы, могут вовремя схватить себя за шкирку и вытащить из торговой точки. Но есть и другие — те, что способны провести в магазинах всю свою жизнь (и надо заметить, очень счастливую жизнь). Подобные особы являются законченными шопоголиками. Ребекка — как раз из их числа. В магазины она отправляется, как иные на охоту — глаза сверкают азартом, руки дрожат от нетерпения, ноги сами несут в направлении добычи. Вот только есть у Ребекки небольшая проблема — почему-то банк очень косо смотрит на ее желание тратить без конца и без края.

«Тайный мир шопоголика» — первая книга комической саги о людях и магазинах, один из главных английских бестселлеров в новом веке.⠀

«Уилт» – это цикл из пяти романов в жанре «реализм», где героем выступает невзрачный, но крайне неудачливый Генри Уилт, простой преподаватель Гумтехникума, который когда-то умудрился жениться на вреднющей барышне Еве и теперь, все пять романов, жалеет об этом.

Книга для приятного времяпрепровождения. Местами сложно не засмеяться в голос.

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What does eyes spell в чем прикол

Correct spelling for the English word “eye” is [ˈa͡ɪ], [ˈa‍ɪ], [ˈaɪ] (IPA phonetic alphabet). How do spell us? 1. In formal writing, spell out the two words as “United States,” as in the example below. spell eyes video

Magic Spells Guide for Beginners (9 Safety Tips to Know

Spell crafting is mystifying, fun, and empowering. 3 FREE minutes for the first time reading at Kasamba! How to Cast Magic Spells? Now let’s keep an eye onto 8 steps of crafting a magic spell: 1. Have an altar. Actually you don’t need an actual altar for performing a ritual. how do you spell eyes

How to Improve Spelling by Understanding Word Meaning

Of course, phonology (the relationship between sounds in language) has an important role in spelling. But the English writing system is based heavily on meaning. For example, see and sea sound the same, but see means to look with the eyes, while sea means a body of water. spell eyes prank

13 VOODOO SPELLS THAT ARE VERY POWERFUL AND EFFECTIVE

10.1 Free voodoo love spells without ingredients. 10.2 Here is one of my Free voodoo love spells without ingredients that you can try. 11 Powerful voodoo love spells youtube. 12 Powerful voodoo spell to bring ex lover back. 13 Voodoo spells to break up … what does yes spell

How to Improve Eyesight: 10 Natural Ways to Get Better Vision

strawberries. sweet potato. citrus. Foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids, such as salmon and flaxseed, are also recommended for better eye health. 2. Don’t forget the carotenoids. A few other what does eyes spell

How to Cure the Evil Eye: 15 Steps (with Pictures)

4. Try the oil method. With this method, the person diagnosing the condition drops oil into water. If it forms an eye, the child is thought to have the evil eye. Another way is to pour oil over a lock of the affected person’s hair into a glass of water (preferably holy water). If the oil sinks, then the person has the evil eye. what does eyes spell trick

Keratoconus: What Does It do to Your Eyes

Normally your cornea, the clear outer lens or «windshield» of the eye, has a dome shape, like a ball.Sometimes the structure isn’t strong enough to hold its round shape and it bulges outward

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The Anatomy Of A Spell: What Is A Spell And How Can You

The anatomy of a spell includes herbs, magical moon phases, crystals, and intentions. Choose A Magical Day Of The Week. The correspondences of the day of the week can change the outcome of your spell. Choosing to do your spell on the right day could make it even more powerful!

Card Tips:Blue-Eyes Spirit Dragon Yu-Gi-Oh! Wiki Fandom

Summoning. The quickest way to Synchro Summon this card is to Special Summon «Blue-Eyes Alternative White Dragon» via its effect, then Normal Summon 1 Level 1 Tuner monster. «Malefic Blue-Eyes White Dragon» can also Special Summon itself, but requires either player to control a Field Spell. Normal Summon «Maiden with Eyes of Blue», then target her with an effect (usually «Majesty with Eyes …

Spell and Magick Tips & Support for Beginners

Change Eye Colour Spells: Cast a Free Change Eye Colour

The eye color spell is really great!» Janette writes: «I wanted gray eyes so I cast an eye color spell and now they’re just stunning. Now all my friends are wanting my eye color! Thanks Xara!» Shante writes: «My eyes are now deep dark brown! They’re almost black! Thank you!» Adilia writes: «Your eye colour spell worked! My eyes are now hazel

Art Tutorials and References on Instagram: “If yes spells

Art Tutorials and References shared a post on Instagram: “If yes spells yes then what does eyes spell Follow @artadvicee for more art tutorials and tips…” • …

Finger Spelling Tips

Spell neither too fast nor too slow. 3. Palm Orientation: Spell with your palm facing outward, not toward your face. Practicing in front of a mirror will help you remember to turn your hand out. 4. Practice as much as possible with Deaf native signers who will help you spell correctly. 5. Do not be afraid to ask for help.

How to ‘Zhuzh’ Up Your Vocabulary Merriam-Webster

And I’d say, “Well, I’m trying to pay for my ice cream right now, but I can give you a couple quick tips.” — Carson Kressley, in Main Line Today, 5 Apr. 2017. The new Queer Eye team doesn’t use the term so much, but those who remember the old show fondly still do, both as a noun and a verb (sometimes with up). In general use, the

Learn the Top Easy Spells for Beginners in 2021

Easy Spells with the Moon. The basic rules of moon spellcasting are pretty simple. The waxing moon, when the moon is growing larger, is for casting manifestation spells. That means any spell for new beginnings, starting new projects, finding new love, is a good one for the waxing moon. The full moon is a time for extra power.

To Become a Demon Spells and Rituals

-added by MJ- You will need the following items for this spell: (Optional)A red and/or black candle. A strong belief. Concentration. A strong will. A glass or container of pure water.Step one: Clear your mind. Step two: Say this once over the water- Diablo give me your blessing. Your soldier I wish to become. I ask that you make me a demon.

10 causes of eye watering and tearing and how to treat it

Pink eye is one of the most frustrating eye conditions. It commonly causes red and very watery, irritated eyes. Most pink eye is caused by a virus, like the common cold, which is contagious and can take multiple weeks to resolve. Unfortunately, since pink eye is usually caused by a virus, no antibiotic eye drop can resolve the condition.

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Teleportation Spells

Spelling Help: Tips and Techniques to Help You Spell Any Word

Live. •. This spelling help page is all about making words more distinctive and easier to remember. These tips show you the most efficient ways to use your memory. You don’t want to make it work harder than it has to. I also want you to have a go at spelling one of the world’s longest and most useless words. Spelling a really long word is

The DnD 5e Warlock Guide Arcane Eye

Dimension Door: Decent spell but doesn’t exactly do much for Warlocks. 5th Level Spells. Contact Other Plane: Very niche. Dream: Low key one of the best spells in the Warlock’s arsenal. This can really mess with the BBEG of the campaign. Hold Monster: Spell that can take a creature out of the fight. Allows for a save after each turn which

Tips for Reading Fingerspelling Signing Savvy Articles

Don’t get stuck on reading each letter as an individual letter. Instead think of it and the «shape» of the word. Watch for double letters and the beginning and ending letters. You should be able to fill in the rest with the contextual clues (much like you do with reading an unknown word in a sentence in a written passage).

How do you spell Dead Eye

How do you spell Dead Eye? noun, plural dead·eyes. either of a pair of disks of hardwood having holes through which a lanyard is rove: used to tighten shrouds and stays. Where did the term Deadeye come from? term=dead. Used from 16c. in adjectival sense of “utter, absolute, quite” (as in dead drunk, first attested 1590s; dead heat, 1796

The Ultimate Ethical Love Spell and Affirmation (That

3) IF and ONLY IF your beloved agrees that they have a problem, you might offer to do a spell for them. Or even better to do a spell together. If they say no, respect that. If they say yes, craft a spell that once again, places no blame, and enhances both of you equally. Lionrhod (author) from Orlando, FL on April 14, 2020:

Glaucoma: Causes, Types, Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Treatment

Glaucoma is a progressive vision condition that can lead to permanent blindness. Learn more about the types, causes, symptoms, risk factors, diagnosis, and treatment of glaucoma.

How to Spell Better Using the Secrets of Spelling Bee

Spelling Tips from Spelling Bee Champions While most of us only use a few thousand words in our everyday lives, champion spellers can spell tens of thousands of weird words perfectly. Most of us have heard of spelling bees, contests where people compete to see who can spell the most words perfectly on stage, under pressure.

How to Teach Spelling to Your Kids (With 5 Fun Ideas

That’s OK – let your kids spell words the way they sound (phonetically) at first. For example, ‘house’ might be spelled as ‘hows’. Make sure you praise them for the parts they spelled correctly. Then, review the word and correct the spelling. You can do this by comparing it …

The DnD 5e Wizard Guide Arcane Eye

Fireball: Fireball is the first spell that comes to mind when thinking about a 5e Wizard. Huge AoE and amazing damage for 3rd level, although it’s effectiveness does wear off later on. Fly: More useful than Levitate in many situations, but concentration could make this end badly. Hypnotic Pattern: Great crowd control.

How to Pretend to Faint: 14 Steps (with Pictures)

Pretend your unconscious for a few seconds, but no more than 20 seconds. To end your faint, open your eyes and take a deep breath. Then, sit up or stand slowly, or get someone to help you up. Finally, rest for about 10 minutes before making a slow exit from the area. For tips on how to decide on a harmless reason for your fake faint, keep reading!

How Do You Unblock Your Third Eye Chakra

The third eye, also known as the center of intuition, plays a big roll in your life. An open third eye will allow you to untap inner knowledge to guide you. The one condition being if you allow it. The third eye bestows clear thought, spiritual contemplation, and self-reflection.

Makeup with Glasses: 14 Application Tips to Make Your Eyes

Here are a few rules to live by when wearing makeup with glasses. 1. Eyeliner Makes All the Difference. Add definition to your eyes from behind the lenses by applying eyeliner to your upper and lower lids. Use a gel liner on the top and a thin swipe of powder eyeliner on the bottom to draw attention to your gorgeous eyes.

Practical Tips for Spell-Casting

Articles About Magical Equipment by Magickal Spot

Practicing magic takes skill and patience and isn’t recommended to do it alone in most cases. I provide more than 140 “do it yourself” articles and more than 300 “do it yourself” spells for educational purposes, but it is strongly recommended that you consult an experienced spell caster such as myself and allow me to do the work for you.

All about Lion’s Eye Diamond (yes, it

What does that mean? Normally, if you’re announcing a spell, one of the steps of casting a spell lets you produce mana to cast the spell. So if the Diamond still worked as it was originally printed, you could start casting a spell (card at random: ). The first step of announcing a spell is moving it from where you’re casting it from to the

19 Proofreading Tips for WordPress Bloggers (Write Better

Come back with fresh eyes a few hours later, or even a few days later, if you have the luxury. Editing with fresh eyes allows you to actually look at the words with a sense of detachment, reading what is there, instead of what you meant to write. 3. Pay Special Attention to Punctuation. Bad punctuation just looks bad.

Game of Thrones: Does Melisandre’s Prophecy Spell Doom for

Brown eyes, blue eyes, green eyes, eyes you’ll shut forever. We will meet again.” And in «The Long Night,» when they do meet again, Melisandre reiterates her previous vision of Arya’s destiny.

How to Write a Resume for a Job [Professional Writing Guide]

Ask a friend for help or do go through a resume critique. Build a resume online—Use Zety’s easy resume helper to write your cover letter and resume in no time. More than twenty resume examples and templates are there to help guide you. And, with the tips and advice it gives along the way, you know you’ll have a great resume that gets the

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